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How do they separate the

men from the boys at Eton



Buckets of ice cold water and threats to call the police.




The Catholic church wants more people interested in priesthood.

They have got a lot of bad publicity lately so they just released a new campaign. They are offering scholarships for 100 lucky boys that can attend private school to become a priest for free.

Their slogan:

                    "Find the priest inside of you."



David Cameron says that rioters need 'tough love'.

Is that a Eton code for anal sex?




The two princes Will's and Harry are in the shower

room at Eton circa


         Will (looking at Harry's donkey dick and ginger pubes):

                      What the fuck have you got there H? This is against the laws of primo genitals.



          I inherited it. You got the short straw Will. You

have a small penis and will

be going bald soon.




Osborne told the prime minister he was going to cut taxes for Bingo.


Cameron thought he was referring to an old Eton school chum.



 The Riot Club: inside Bullingdon 


the jam eton rifles record 45rpm
eton college crest of arms
famous eton college facade





"The Eton Rifles" was the only single to be released from the

album  Setting Sons  by The Jam. Recorded at Townhouse

studios and released on the 3rd of November 1979, it became

the band's first top ten hit in the United Kingdom, peaking at

No. 3. It is also the only official Jam single for which a video

was not recorded.


The song was produced by  Vic Coppersmith-Heaven  and

The Jam and was backed by the B-side "See-Saw".


 Eton College  is a famous English public school in

Berkshire regarded as the epitome of Britain's privileged

elite. Its cadet corps is the Eton College Combined Cadet

Force, which was founded in 1860 as the Eton College

Rifle Corps. The song itself recounts the difficulties faced by

the unemployed and lower paid working class in protesting

against a system loaded against them.


The song recounts a street battle  Paul Weller  had read

about in the newspapers concerning elements of a Right

To Work march going through Slough in 1978 breaking off

to attack pupils from Eton who had been jeering the lunchtime

marchers (hence Hello, Hooray, an extremist scrape with

the Eton Rifles).


The song's lyrics, in common with many Jam tracks, contain

colloquial references to life in Britain, including:

              "Sup u                                                  Slough 

Literally, the first part of the line means "drink up your

beer and collect your fags", though in this case it is likely a

double entendre referring both to a group of friends hurriedly

leaving a pub, and to the British boarding school practice of

 fagging;  a hierarchical authority structure in which younger

students acted as personal servants to those in higher forms. With regard to the latter part,

Slough is a town near to Eton. The two districts have a history of class conflict, with Slough

in particular as a result of being used for various  sociological  experiments by urban

planners and politicians throughout the 1960s through to the 1990s (a common target in

Paul Weller's lyrics in The Jam).


 "What chance have you got against a tie and a crest?"  is a reference to school uniform

and badges, particularly the influence of the "old school tie". 


"There was a lot of class hatred in my songs at the time," said Weller.  'Eton Rifles

would be the obvious example of that. We used to go on Sunday drives with my uncle

and we'd drive through Eton, and I remember seeing these young chaps."





the eton rifles band
banner (1).jpg
1979 the jam eton rifles record cover
david cameron and boris johnson bullingdon club eton college





In May 2008, Conservative leader and Old Etonian David Cameron named "The Eton

Rifles" as one of his favourite songs. Cameron is reported to have said "I was one, in the

corps. It meant a lot, some of those early Jam albums we used to listen to. I don't see why

the left should be the only ones allowed to listen to protest songs."


Cameron's praise for the song earned a scathing rejection from Paul Weller, who said,

"Which part of it didn't he get? It wasn't intended as a jolly drinking song for the  Eton 

 cadet corps. 


Ironically, in 1977 Weller had said in the New Musical Express that people should vote for

the Conservatives, a comment intended to shock and which later came to haunt him during

his long involvement with the Labour Party initiative  Red Wedge


He added, "I think I have pretty much nailed where I was at to the mast. But people come to

gigs for different reasons:

                                        it isn't necessarily about what the person on stage is singing. But at

the same time, you do think, 'Well, maybe this'll change their minds."


In November 2011 Guardian music critic,  Alexis Petridis questioned Cameron further; "You

said the Jam's song Eton Rifles was important to you when you were at Eton." Paul Weller,

who wrote the song, was pretty incredulous to hear this, and claimed you couldn't have

understood the lyrics.

What did you think that song was about at the time? Be honest.' To which Cameron

replied; "I went to Eton in 1979, which was the time when the Jam,  the Clash,  the Sex

Pistols were producing some amazing music and everyone liked the song because of

the title. But of course I understood what it was about. It was taking the mick out of

people running around the cadet force. And he was poking a stick at us. But it was

a great song with brilliant lyrics. I've always thought that if you can only like music if you

agree with the political views of the person who wrote it, well, it'd be rather limiting."


 "The Eton Rifles Lyrics" 


Sup up your beer and collect your fags - There's a row going on down near Slough.

Get out your mat and pray to the West. I'll get out mine and pray for myself.

Thought you were smart when you took them on. But you didn't take a peep in their

artillery room.

All that rugby puts hairs on your chest. What chance have you got against a tie

and a crest?

Hello-Hurray - what a nice day for the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles.

Hello-Hurray - I hope rain stops play for the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles.


Thought you were clever when you lit the fuse, Tore down the house of commons in

your brand new shoes.

Composed a revolutionary symphony. Then went to bed with a charming young


Hello-Hurray - cheers then mate. It's the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles.

Hello-Hurray - an extremist scrape with the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles.


What a catalyst you turned out to be. Loaded the guns, then you run off home for your

tea. Left me standing like a guilty schoolboy.


We came out of it naturally the worst Beaten and bloody, and I was sick down my


We were no match for their untamed wit. Though some of the lads said they'd be back

next week.

Hello-Hurray - it's the price to pay to the Eton Rifles, Eton


Hello-Hurray - I'd prefer the plague to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles.


Hello-Hurray - it's the price to pay to the Eton Rifles, Eton


Hello-Hurray - I'd prefer the plague to the Eton Rifles,

Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles!

the eton rifles top of the pops

 Top Of The Pops 







Eton College, often informally referred to simply as Eton, is an

English boys' independent  boarding school  located in Eton,

Berkshire, near Windsor. It educates over 1,300 pupils, aged 13

to 18 years. It was founded in 1440 by King Henry VI as

"The King's College of Our Lady of Eton besides Windsor", making it the 18th oldest HMC school.


Eton is one of ten English Headmasters' and Headmistresses' Conference schools, commonly referred to as "public schools", regulated by the  Public Schools Act of 1868.  Following the public school tradition, Eton is a full boarding school, which means all pupils live at the school, and it is one of four such remaining single-sex boys' public schools in the United Kingdom (the others being Harrow, Radley, and Winchester) to continue this practice. Eton has educated 19 British prime ministers and generations of the aristocracy and has been referred to as the chief nurse of England's statesmen. Charging up to £11,478 per term (there are three terms per academic year) in 2014/15, Eton is the sixth most expensive HMC boarding school in he UK.


















Eton has a long list of distinguished former pupils. David Cameron is the  19th British prime minister  to have attended the school, and has recommended that Eton set up a school in the state sector to help drive up standards. Eton now co-sponsors a state sixth-form college in Newham, a deprived area of East London, called the London Academy of Excellence, opened in 2012, which is free of charge and aims to get all its students into higher education. In September 2014, Eton opened, and became the sole educational sponsor for, a new day school for around 500 pupils, Holy port College, in Maidenhead in Berkshire, with construction costing around £15 million, in which a fifth of places for day pupils will be set aside for children from poor homes, 21 boarding places will go to youngsters on the verge of being taken into care, and a further 28 boarders will be funded or part-funded through bursaries.


In the past, Eton has educated generations of British and foreign aristocracy, and for the first time, members of the Royal family, Prince William and his brother Prince Harry, in contrast to the Royal tradition of either a naval college or 

 Gordonstoun,  or by a Palace tutor. Registration at birth has been consigned to the past, and by the mid 1990s, Eton ranked among Britain'stop three schools in getting its pupils into Oxford and Cambridge.

 The Spirit of the First World War 

 at Eton College. 


eton toffs prepare for war

Eton has traditionally been referred to as "the chief nurse of England's statesmen", and has been described as the most famous public school in the world. Early in the 20th century, a historian of Eton wrote, "No other school can claim to have sent forth such a cohort of distinguished figures to make their mark on the world."


The Good Schools Guide called the School "the number one boys' public school," adding, "The teaching and facilities are second to none." The School is a member of the  G20 Schools Group. 


Eton College was founded by King Henry VI as a charity school to provide free education to seventy poor boys who would then go on to  King's College,  Cambridge, founded by the same King in 1441. Henry took Winchester College as his model, visiting on many occasions and borrowing its Statutes and removing its Headmaster and some of the Scholars to start his new school.


For much of Eton's history, junior boys had to act as "fags", or

servants, to older boys. Their duties included cleaning, cooking, and

running errands. A Library member was entitled to yell at any time and

without notice,  Boy, Up !"  or "Boy, Queue!", and all first -year boys had

to come running. The last boy to arrive was given the task. These

practices, known as fagging, were partially phased out of most houses in

the 1970s. Captains of House and Games still sometimes give tasks

to first-year boys, such as collecting the mail from the School



The School is known for its traditions, including a uniform of black tailcoat

(or morning coat) and waistcoat, false-collar and pinstriped trousers. Most

pupils wear a white tie that is effectively a strip of cloth folded over into a

starched, detachable collar, but some senior boys are entitled to wear a

white bow tie and winged collar ( "Stick-Ups).


The long-standing claim that the present uniform was first worn as

mourning for the death of George III is unfounded. "Eton dress" has

undergone significant changes since its standardization in the 19th

century. Originally (along with a top hat and walking-cane), Etonian

dress was reserved for formal occasions, but boys wear it today for

classes, which are referred to as "divisions", or "divs". As stated above,

King's Scholars wear a black gown over the top of their tailcoats and

occasionally a  surplice  in Chapel. Members of the teaching staff (known as Beaks) are required to wear a form of school dress when teaching. From 1820 until 1967, boys under the height of 5'4" were required to wear the 'Eton suit', which replaced the tailcoat with the cropped 'Eton jacket' (known colloquially as a  "bum-freezer"  and included an 'Eton collar', a large, stiff-starched, white collar." The Eton suit was copied by other schools and has remained in use in some, particularly choir schools.

young toffs at eton college

 Prince Henry (second from the left), 

 third son of King George V and 

 Queen Mary., marching in 

 the ranks of the Officers' Training Corps, at Eton 


Royalty in khaki: Prince Henry (second from the left), third son of King George V and Queen Mary., marching in the ranks of the Officers' Training Corps, at Eton, England.




Eton used to be renowned for its use of corporal punishment, generally known as "beating". In the 16th century, Friday was set aside as "flogging day". Beating was phased out in the 1980s. The film director Sebastian Doggart claims to have been the last boy caned at Eton, in 1984. Until 1964, offending boys could be summoned to the Head Master or the Lower Master, as appropriate, to receive a  birching  on the bare posterior, in a semi-public ceremony held in the Library, where there was a special wooden birching block over which the offender was held.


 Anthony Chenevix-Trench,  Head Master from 1964 to 1970,

abolished the birch and replaced it with caning, also applied to the bare

posterior, which he administered privately in his office. Chenevix-Trench

also abolished corporal punishment administered by senior boys.

Previously, House Captains were permitted to cane miscreants over the

seat of the trousers. This was a routine occurrence, carried out privately

with the boy bending over with his head under the edge of a table. Less

common but more severe were the canings administered by Pop in the

form of a "Pop-Tanning", in which a large number of hard strokes were

inflicted by the President of Pop in the presence of all Pop members

(or, in earlier times, each member of Pop took it in turns to inflict a

stroke). The culprit was summoned to appear in a pair of old trousers,

as the caning would cut the cloth to shreds. This was the most severe

form of physical punishment at Eton.


Chenevix-Trench's successor from 1970,  Michael McCrum, 

retained private corporal punishment by masters, but ended the

practice of requiring boys to take their trousers and underwear

down when bending over to be caned by the Head Master. By the

mid-1970s, the only people allowed to administer caning were the

Head Master and the Lower Master.


In addition to the masters, the following three categories of senior

boys are entitled to exercise School discipline. Boys who belong to

any of these categories, in addition to a limited number of other

boy office holders, are entitled to wear winged collars with bow ties.


 Eton Society: 

                       commonly known as Pop. Over the years its power

and privileges have grown. Pop is the oldest self-electing society at

Eton. The rules were altered in 1987 and again in 2005 so that the

new intake are not elected solely by the existing year and a

committee of mastersMembers of Pop are entitled to wear checked

sponge bag trousers, and a waistcoat designed as they wish.

Historically, only members of Pop were entitled to furl their umbrellas

or sit on the wall on the Long Walk, in front of the main building.

However, this tradition has died out. They perform roles at many of

the routine events of the school year, including School Plays,

parents' evenings and other official events. Notable ex-members of

Pop include Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, Eddie Redmayne

and Boris Johnson.


 Sixth Form Select:                             

                              an academically selected prefectorial group

consisting, by custom, of the 10 senior King's Scholars and the 10

senior Oppidan Scholars. Members of Sixth Form Select are

entitled to wear silver buttons on their waistcoats. They also act as


                     they enter classrooms and ask, "Is (family name) in this

division?" followed by "He's to see the Head Master at (time)"

Members of Sixth Form Select and maintain dress codes, and perform "Speeches", at formal events held five times a year.


 House Captains: 

                           The captains of each of the 25 boys' houses have disciplinary powers at school level. House Captains are entitled to wear a mottled-grey waistcoat. It is possible to belong to the Eton Society and Sixth Form Select at the same time.


In the era of Queen Elizabeth I there were two praepostors in every form, who noted down the names of absentees. Until the late 19th century, there was a praepostor for every division of the school.


 The elite tradition is to send children away at a young age 

 to be educated. But future politicians who suffer this 

 'privileged abandonment' often turn out as bullies or 

 bumblers. Typical examples are Boris Johnson and David   Cameron. 


boris johnson david cameron eton toffs


  • Sport is a feature of Eton; there is an extensive network of playing fields. Their

names include  Agar's Plough  Dutchman's, Upper Club, Lower Club, Sixpenny The

Field, and Mesopotamia (situated between two streams and often shortened to



  • During the Michaelmas Half, the sport curriculum is dominated by  football  (called

 Association) and rugby union, with some rowing for a smaller number of boys.


  • During the Lent Half it is dominated by the field game, a code of football, but this is

unique to Eton and cannot be played against other schools. During this half, Colleges

also play the  Eton wall game;  this game received national publicity when taken up by Prince Harry. Aided by Astro The field, field hockey has become a major Lent Half sport along with Rugby 7's.


  • Elite rowers prepare for the Schools' Head of the River Race in late March.


  • During the Summer Half, sporting boys divide into drybobs, who play cricket, tennis or athletics, and wetbobs, who row

on the River Thames and the rowing lake in preparation for The National Schools Regatta and the Princess Elizabeth Challenge Cup at the Henley Royal Regatta.

The annual cricket match against  Harrow  at Lord's Cricket Ground is the oldest fixture of the cricketing calendar, having been played there since 1805. A staple of the society calendar since the 1800s, in 1914, its importance was such that over 38,000 people attended the two days 'the match made national headlines. But interest has since declined considerably, and the match is now a one day limited overs contest.


"Eton's best-known holiday takes place on the so-called Fourth of June", a celebration of the birthday of King  George III,  Eton's greatest patron. This day is celebrate with the Procession of Boats, in which the top rowing crews from the top four years row past in vintage wooden rowing boats.


 The Queen's Official Birthday,  the "Fourth of June" is no longer celebrated on the 4th of June, but on the Wednesday                                                                                                                         before the first weekend of June. Eton also observes                                                                                                                   St. Andrew's Day, on which the Eton wall game is



                                                                                                             Under the provisions of the Charities Act 2006, Eton is                                                                                                                 now an excepted charity, and fully registered with the                                                                                                                   Charities Commission, and is now one of the 10 largest                                                                                                               charities in the UK. As a charity, it benefits from                                                                                                                             substantial tax breaks. It was calculated by the late                                                                                                                        David Jewell,  former Master of Haileybury, that in 1992                                                                                                               such tax breaks saved the School about £1,945 per

                                                                                                             pupil per year, although he had no direct connection                                                                                                                     with the School. This subsidy has declined since the                                                                                                                     2001, abolition by the Labour Government of state-                                                                                                                       funded scholarships (formerly known as "assisted

                                                                                                             places") to independent schools. However, no child                                                                                                                       attended Eton on this scheme, meaning that the actual                                                                                                                 level of state assistance to the School has always been                                                                                                               lower.


                                                                                                             Eton's retiring Head Master, Tony Little, has claimed that                                                                                                               the benefits that Eton provides to the local community                                                                                                                   free of charge (use of its facilities, etc.)

                                                                                                             Have a higher value than the tax breaks it receives as a                                                                                                               result of its charitable status. The fee for the academic year 2010-2011 was £29,862 (approximately US $48,600 or €35,100 as of March 2011), although the sum is considerably lower for those pupils on  bursaries  and scholarships.



 Circa 1939 Eton students 

 clad in traditional topper & tails,

 as they present arms during 

 Eton Corps Drill to 

 prepare for war. 


eton cadets in top hat and tails
A member of the Eton public school O.T.C. (Officers Training Corps) practising shouting out orders.

 A member of the Eton 

 public school O.T.C.

 (Officers Training Corps)   practising shouting 

 out orders. 


the Jam houses of parliament union jack

 Paul Weller on David Cameron 

 being a fan of 'Eton Rifles': 

 "Which part of it doesn't he get? 

 It wasn't intended as a fucking 

 jolly drinking song for 

 the Eton cadet corps. 

In 1995 the National Lottery granted money for a £4.6m sports complex, to add to Eton's existing facilities of two swimming pools, 30 cricket squares, 24 football, rugby and hockey pitches and a gym. The College paid £200,000 and contributed 4.5 hectares of land in return for exclusive use of the facilities during the daytime only. The UK Sports Council defended the deal on the grounds that the whole community would benefit, while the bursar claimed that Windsor,  Slough  and Eton Athletic Club was "deprived" because local people (who were not pupils at the College) did not have a world-class running track and facilities to train with. Steve Osborn, director of the Safe Neighbourhoods Unit, described the decision as "staggering" given the background of a substantial reduction in youth services by councils across the country, a matter over which, however, neither the College nor the UK Sports Council, had any control. The facility, which became the Thames Valley Athletics Centre, opened in April 1999.


The Eton College CCF was founded in 1860 as the Eton College Rifle Corps at a time

when it was thought that Napoleon III was threatening to invade Britain. It was the first

continuous school corps of its kind.


Boys can join the corps from D block upwards. The aim of the corps is to provide boys

with a wide range of military skills, adventurous pursuits, leadership experience and

the opportunity to complete the Duke of Edinburgh Award at silver level. The corps is

commanded by Lieutenant Colonel Michael Wilcockson (a master at the school) who

is assisted by an Adjutant and two permanent CCF staff, both of whom have been

regular soldiers. There are several masters who are commissioned officers, as well as

regular Army officers and NCOs who often assist with training. The corps has its own

purpose-built building, the ‘Orderly Room’, which houses its stores, offices, mess and

training rooms.


Boys may choose to be members of the Army or the RAF sections, but most of the

training is the same for both sections. Training moves rapidly through drill, weapon-

training, battle skills, signals, shooting, leadership exercises, and a range of

adventurous training activities. In every half there is a weekend exercise or ‘corps

scheme’ when training is much more intense, demanding and wide-ranging. In the

summer half there is a range weekend when live ammunition is fired. In addition to

basic infantry training, members of the RAF section have the opportunity to fly in the

Tutor aircraft at RAF Benson and glide in the Vigilant at Dalton Barracks.

prince harry eton cadet parade commander of guard of honour 2002

 Prince Harry (Henry) was the Parade Commander of the 48 Strong Guard 

 of Honour at the Combined Cadet Forces Tattoo at Eton Collage   5/27/2003. 


Setting Sons is the fourth studio album by British band The Jam. The group's critical and commercial favour, began with their third album,  All Mod Cons,  continued through this album. "The Eton Rifles" became the group's first top 10 UK hit, peaking

at No. 3.
























In contrast to its pop-oriented predecessor,

this album features a much harder, tougher

production, albeit with the overarching

melodicism common throughout The Jam's discography. Arguably, this is the Jam's most thematically ambitious LP. Singer, guitarist, and songwriter Paul Weller originally conceived Setting Sons as a concept album detailing the lives of three boyhood friends who later reunite as adults after an unspecified war only to discover they have grown up and apart. This concept was never fully developed, and it remains unclear which tracks were originally intended as part of the story, though it is commonly agreed that  "Thick As Thieves",  "Little Boy Soldiers", "Wasteland", and "Burning Sky" are likely constituents; extant Jam bootlegs feature a version of "Little Boy Soldiers" split into three separate recordings, possible evidence that the song was intended to serve as a recurring motif, with separate sections appearing between other songs on the album.


The  album cover of Setting Sons  features a photograph of Benjamin Clemens' bronze sculpture, 'The St John's Ambulance Bearers'. Cast in 1919, this sculpture depicts a wounded soldier being carried by two ambulance workers. This sculpture is currently in the possession of the Imperial War Museum in London.


Harry can paint but I can't. He has our father's? talent, while I on the other hand, i am about the biggest idiot on a piece of canvas. I did do a couple of drawings at eton which were put on display.  Teachers thought they were examples of modern art, but in fact, I was just  trying  to paint a house! 2 up, 2 down.   Prince William 

eton's black and white minstrals
Motto Latin Floreat Etona Let Eton flourish
setting sons the jam album
Pupils at Eton College, a traditional bastion of Britain's ruling classes.
Eton College, 1960s scrambling no helmet no leathers
Prince William. A Study for his 18th Birthday.’ Eton College
giving orders eton college
OIP (1).jpg

                                                                                More senior boys specialize in military

                                                                                and survival skills and prepare as cadet

                                                                                instructors through a cadre course. The

                                                                                highlight of the year is the annual

                                                                                tattoo for which boys prepare during the

                                                                                first part of the summer half and perform

                                                                                on the evening before the 'Fourth of June'.

                                                                                To an audience of over 800 people the

                                                                                corps parades and  presents its colors,  

                                                                                and demonstrates activities from

                                                                                precision drill to a light gun race.

                                                                                Accompanied by the Eton College CCF

                                                                                military band including the pipes and

                                                                                drums. The evening concludes with a

                                                                                small-scale battle scene.                      


                                                                                Although the CCF is not designed to

                                                                                recruit for the armed forces, a significant

                                                                                number of boys do nevertheless take up

                                                                                commissions. For example, an average of

                                                                                six Old Etonians attend  Royal Military 

                                                                                 Academy Sandhurst  annually, with five

                                                                                OEs due to commence training at RMAS

                                                                                at the beginning of 2013. There are a

                                                                                wide range of summer camps which

                                                                                boys are expected to attend.

                                                                                Some camps are abroad (Germany or Cyprus, for example); others are                                                                                      organised through Army contacts in the UK and concentrate on specialised                                                                                  military skills and adventurous training.

                                                                                In 2010,  Her Majesty the Queen  visited Eton to inspect the Corps on the                                                                                    occasion of its 150th anniversary, and unveiled a plaque commemorating                                                                                    those Old Etonians awarded the Victoria Cross and George Cross. Prince Henry of Wales KCVO (Henry Charles Albert David; born of September 1984), known as  Prince Harry,  is the younger            son of Charles, Prince of Wales, and Diana, Princess of Wales. His paternal grandparents are Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh. At the time of his birth, he was third in the line of succession to succeed his grandmother. He is currently fifth in line after his nephew George and niece Charlotte.


After an education at schools in the United Kingdom and spending parts of his gap year in Australia and Lesotho, Harry          chose a military career, undergoing officer training at Royal Military Academy Sandhurst. He was commissioned as a      Cornet into the Blues and Royals of the  Household Cavalry Regiment,  serving temporarily with his brother, and completed    his training as a troop leader. In 2007–2008 he served for 77 days in Helmand, Afghanistan but he was pulled out following publication of his presence there by an Australian magazine. He returned to Afghanistan for a 20-week deployment in 2012–2013 with the Army Air Corps. He left the army in June 2015.


 The material on this site does not necessarily reflect the views of What If? Tees. 

 The Images and Text are not meant to offend but to Promote Positive Open Debate and Free Speech. 

 The material on this site does not reflect the views of What If? Tees. 

 The Images and Text are not meant to offend but to Promote Positive Open Debate and Free Speech. 

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